It’s hard to believe but it’s been over two years since HCK!’s first offering. We’ve come a long way, the growth is apparent, looking back at those first posts is a rad experience realizing just how tangible of a difference between then and now there is and how many people have helped to make this one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. This also marks the 100th post for HCK! making today’s mix all that more important for me to get right. Continue reading →
It goes without saying that the fall mixtape is my favorite of the year. I’ve spent the last two weeks narrowing this down to what hopefully will be as rad to hear on your end as it is each time I listen through it on mine.
Getting the closest friends, setting your destination for the middle of nowhere and pressing play, that’s the thought in mind of what kind of mix this should be, hopefully it lives up to all that a late-night hooded-sweatshirt drive calls for.
It’s hard for friends to understand when I try explaining to them this absolute nausea I feel about New Year’s Eve. I go out, I appreciate being around the friends… I’m happy enjoying the moment with them, yet in the back of my mind is a swelling sadness, a wave so huge that by the time it overtakes me a month or two will pass before receding and allowing the optimism of spring to saturate my soul and bring me to my usual upbeat-self again.
Everyone else seems to be looking forward, like the countdown signifies a new opportunity, a clean slate, a beginning in which to move in positive directions. I feel that way every day, something I’m thankful for, but not on New Year’s Eve.
It’ an ominous shadow the feeling of time. I can’t help but look back and see time wasted, friends left or lost, all the paths that felt so right, so guided,which were merely empty alleyways leading to dead ends. We’re one year closer to seeing the light of youth burnt out, one year closer to feeling the decay within us of old age, one year closer to running out of new chances and new beginnings.
So usually I put those weighted feelings to the back of my mind and I enjoy the night in the most celebrated fashion until the ball drops, then without calling attention to myself I slip away from the party and drift back home and face those feelings alone so as to not bring others down. These are internal feelings and I have no desire to project into the environment around me when it would only have a negative affect on friends who are in such rare positive form.
Here’s the what I’ll be putting on tonight once I ease my way from the celebration, slip on my headphones and pass the night with the closest of my friends. I’m sure I can’t be the only one to feel this way so in some part this playlist is for you as well.
“You say you’re sure though you never are there are always reminders that there is a start and there is an end and that the two bare no relation to the time you get to secure some some rest and to feel that you belong. And the sun, it may set, but it will rise again.”
“Because there’s a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense. And in the middle of drinks maybe the fifth or sixth I’m completely alone at a table of friends I feel nothing for them I feel nothing Nothing
Well I need a break from the city again I think I’ll ship myself back west I got a friend there, she says “Hey, anytime” Unless that offer’s expired I have been less than frequent She’s under no obligation to indulge every whim And I’m so ungrateful, I take… she gives and forgives And I keep forgetting it And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe Something lovely that bloomed from her beautiful mind I said “I’ll trade you one for two nightmares of mine I have some where I die I have some where we all die”
I’m thinking of quitting drinking again I know I said that a couple of times And I’m always changing my mind. Well, I guess I am But there’s this burn in my stomach and there’s this pain in my side And when I kneel at the toilet and the morning’s clean light Pours in through the window Sometimes I pray I don’t die I’m a goddamn hypocrite
But the night rolls around And it all starts making sense There is no right way or wrong way You just have to live And so I do what I do And at least I exist What could mean more than this? What could mean more?” .
“and the elders leave from their mercury beds and they’re plagued with age and they’re spent with tread but volumes speak of love they spilled overflowed or overkilled and given in to gravity they fall so hard it hurts to see and we’ll sweep us the ashes spread ‘em out across the gravel range
and this burning wheel they’ve bound us to we’ll roll on, we’ll roll on all the same”
“You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize When he catches his reflection on accident
On the back of a motor bike With your arms outstretched trying to take flight Leaving everything behind But even at our swiftest speed we couldn’t break from the concrete In the city where we still reside. And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides Like brothers on a hotel bed”
Is it just me or is “Auld Lang Syne” one of the saddest songs. Why do people sing it like it’s a celebration then? Leave it to the Scots I Guess. Maybe my being scottish has something to do with my somber feelings since that’s where the song originated, maybe the answer lies somewhere in my heritage.
If you’ve never heard the actual song this is not it. This is just an INCREDIBLE song from a local band that incorporates some of the key elements and message into it.
Here’s the actual lyrics the traditional Auld Lang Syne
“Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone: Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold, that loving Breast of thine; That thou canst never once reflect on Old long syne.
On Old long syne my Jo, in Old long syne, That thou canst never once reflect, on Old long syne.
My Heart is ravisht with delight, when thee I think upon; All Grief and Sorrow takes the flight, and speedily is gone; The bright resemblance of thy Face, so fills this, Heart of mine; That Force nor Fate can me displease, for Old long syne.
Since thoughts of thee doth banish grief, when from thee I am gone; will not thy presence yield relief, to this sad Heart of mine: Why doth thy presence me defeat, with excellence divine? Especially when I reflect on Old long syne”
All songs are for promotional purposes. If you or an artist you represent would like to have content removed email me at email@example.com
If things even remotely go close to plan I’ll be out of the cold and out of this city by March 1st. Emotions are mixed as they always are when leaving one place behind to face something completely unknown but I’m a major advocate for change and more-so pro anti-regrets.
To everyone that’s made Broad Ripple truly feel like home I owe a huge thank you for helping the last six years be full of memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life, it’s time for a new beginning, it’s time to find myself.
The downside of Indiana has always been it’s admiration towards settling. It hurts me to see everyone so content without ever truly living there lives, perpetuating a consumer culture that sickens me, not even attempting to find themselves or understand who they are or the world they choose to take no part in. Although it’s hard leaving close friends and family behind it would be much harder to watch the rest of my life pass me by without experiencing those things I dream of when I’m awake and have held me with one foot out of the door for my entire life.
Since there’s never been a moment I haven’t felt the need to make a playlist for this obviously goes without exception. I’ll have another mixtape up for the drive out but these are the songs that came to mind immediately when I made the decision of fully committing to leaving the sorrowful midwest behind.